Commando: Eliminating the risk of Underwear Bombs
Swami is disseminating the following info on behalf of the Transportation Security Administration:
1. In the wake of the unhinged "Underwear Bomber" (also known as the "Fruit-of-the-Boom" crotch-bomber) on Christmas Day, the TSA is mandating that all passengers who have not gone through a full-body scan must fly without pants.
2. Also, to ensure that substandard explosives are not brought aboard planes, each terrorist will have to produce a TSA certificate showing that he has visited a US military testing ground and detonated the actual batch in his underwear. The TSA hopes that this will not make him less appealing to the 72 sturgeons or 72-year-old virgins or whatever await him down below.
Meanwhile, Congress has the conundrum of implementing stringent airport security without inconveniencing themselves or Washington's infestation of lobbyists. Until such time [insert color photo of infinity here], Swami is implementing his own security measures.
Most notably, whenever his lovely wife, Swamette or someone claiming to be Swamette, enters the room, Swami does a full-body patdown. One can never be too careful.
THIS JUST IN: Until further notice no underwear can be worn aboard any flight. Don't you feel safer already?